Philippians 4:6-7
Beyond Understanding

Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

New Revised Standard Version

One of my greatest weaknesses is how badly I handle circumstances I don't understand. I will attack the circumstances with intense study and ferocious logic, which usually serves only to convince myself that I truly don't understand it. Emotionally, I quickly become irritated, then as I struggle to solve the inexplicable, I become enraged in a most unfocused way, upset with my own ignorance, with the circumstances that created the unknown, and with some arbitrary limitations somewhere or other. I can destroy my own personal calm so quickly this way, and I do it far too often.

I wrestled with that this week, as I corresponded with two friends who each had lost dear friends of theirs to cancer. How do they deal with that loss? Medical science has made great progress in treating cancer, but not enough progress for these two kind persons. There's so much "knowledge" we have of God's love and God's healing, but what we "know" and what we "feel" can be very different. Knowing we'll see these dear ones in heaven doesn't fill the hole in our hearts we have right now. In cases of deep personal loss, I know I can't string together words to make the hurt subside, no matter how much I wanted to; it is simply foolish to expect to heal a heart by instructing a mind.

My frustration intensified into numbness, though, as the weather reports made it clear that my community in central Florida was once again going to be hit by a major hurricane. It had been 1960 since a major hurricane had come through Orlando, until August 13, 2004 as Charley galloped through. Three weeks later, and a much larger Frances is going to take a much more leisurely stroll through the area, and we fear how many more trees and roofs we will lose, how many more homes will be damaged, and how much longer we'll be going without power.

We haven't finished cleaning up from Charley yet! Houses all around are still wearing blue-tarp substitutes for shingles, front yards are stacked with tree limbs the County can't begin to gather up. How could this happen again so soon?

The panic is wide spread. In a way, Charley surprised us central Floridians, convinced us that we weren't immune from these storms, and so many of us are not going to be surprised again. Building supply stores ran out of plywood more than 60 hours before the storm is projected to come past. The local news media is pounding the worst cases over the air waves. I'm furious at them for "misrepresenting" the facts to garner ratings, but my rage isn't really at them, but in my inability to understand.

We are all praying about Frances, but for what? We will be spared if it passes further south, but then other communities hit hard by Charley will suffer. Should we pray for a violation of the laws of physics, and mighty weather front to appear out of nothing to force the storm into the middle of the Atlantic? I want to pray that God will bring about my chosen solution to this possible catastrophe, but I don't know enough to choose what God should do. I know I should trust God to work everything for good, but my heart demands to know how God plans to work, and I am frustrated at my lack of faith.

How can I respond to all this? How can I understand it and work it all out? I cannot, and I should not expect that I could.

Instead, I have to admit my failure. The lies to myself that I can think my way out of circumstances are the seat of my rage, and I can only approach peace by honestly facing my inadequacies. I am who I am, but I am nothing more than that. In accepting what I want to deny, in giving up on what I want to understand, in setting aside my mental exercises and opening up my heart to God, I finally stop fighting how God wants to work in my circumstances, and start accepting.

God, speak to me.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
      nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
      so are my ways higher than your ways
      and my thoughts than your thoughts."
-- Isaiah 55:8-9

God has a complete perspective of this world, while my perspective is tiny, flawed, and ignorant.

Peter and the disciples faced a fierce storm on the Sea of Galilee, and a word from the Master calmed the sea. Paul, a Roman prisoner, faced a fierce storm on the Mediterranean, and the ship was destroyed, but God brought all 276 persons safely to the beach.

"As it is written,
      'For your sake we are being killed all day long;
            we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.'
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."
-- Romans 8:36-37

Let me be open, God, to Your leading and Your care.

"How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing!"
-- Matthew 23:37b

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."
-- Isaiah 26:3

God, I know my peace is fragile and flawed, and Your peace is perfect and surpasses all understanding. God, you promise to accept me and love me as I am: imperfect, weak, angry, hurt, doubting, and afraid. I don't know how or why You would, but take my brokenness and desperation, and work miracles again in my fear and pain, to Your glory. Amen.